Saturday, December 31, 2011

20 Blessings and 11 Lessons this 2011 (part2)

So to start the year right, I am now decluttering all the bad vibes and pain I've been through for the past year. Let's pour it out and just take the lessons so we won't commit the same error again this coming year. I'm a fast learner you see:)

11 Lessons

1. Pointing fingers just point those 3 fingers back to the accuser.
Now I totally understood why I am being accused of bribing, making up stories and most especially pulling out my wallet. (haha, I don't even have a wallet). The universe has a way of bringing back those people who knows. Funny coz they appeared one at a time, each at the right place and time. Thank you guys.
And just recently, I was accused of pretending to be someone in FB and sending a PM about asking to put down malicious posts about me. I'm a transparent person so pretending will never be in my list of favorite activities. I think these people will never really comprehend unless they open their hearts and mind. And yes, it just goes back to: pointing fingers just point those 3 fingers back to the accuser.

2. My payroll goes directly to my kids' bank accounts so I have to do online transfer each time I need to pay bills. I don't bring my ATM at work, only daily allowance for my fare (P100-200 a day) coz this prevents me from buying food outside. I bring lunch to save more. My phone is an old Nokia model 2300 series I think (haha, I'm not even sure). My new clothes and shoes were all sponsored by the sisters. Now I get to use my old clothes because I've lost weight. I'm still paying an emergency loan for my kid's tuition fees. The kid's budget for food is stretched because they love to eat and they are boys:p. I shoulder house bills and all my kids' expenses. Bottomline? I don't have enough cash to buy stuffs for myself, (not my passion either) let alone spend for someone not related to me. Now I learned that if I can't lower down expenses, I have to increase my sources. Time to accept online writing gigs again while baking and selling goodies on the side.

3. Comprehension gets all blurry when the heart is full of negative emotions. I always choose my words when speaking or even writing. I was brought up that way. I believe that you can never take back words you've said. You'll just regret later on because what comes out of the mouth clearly reflects what's inside of you and what you are in times of struggle and height of emotions. Your way with words totally defines you. I'm careful with the words my kids hear and read because parents are supposed to be good example of their kids. The reader, albeit the article was written in clear simple words will always choose how they want to interpret the message even if the picture (not literally) is very clear. Now like the bible where people have different interpretations as they receive the message, you'll just have to trust that whatever message they choose to get, serve its purpose.

4. I learned that it's easier to accept the fact that somebody lied to me and made me believed that the effort and love they are showing are true. It happens. We can always forgive ourselves for believing it too. What I realized is that being used as an escapegoat for something I'm not aware of and being the subject of made up lies is really unforgivable. Betrayal is already something but having no balls to admit one's fault  and using others to cover up or save face is too much already.

5. People may call you names, degrade you, demoralize you or even test your faith. They would even send you text mesages using different numbers and pretend they are someone else. Don't mind the mediocre things they do. Just continue to strive harder to do the right thing. Go back to the right path and continue living according to God's will. Remember that saints have been trough tortures worst than we do but they held on to their faith. Not that I'm claiming to be a saint (disclaimer). But leaving the past sins behind and starting anew is far better than lingering on it. Remember that all these sacrifices are for the Lord who is the sole source of all the happiness we get here on earth. I learned that taking the right path is far better than dwelling on mistakes. I'm already near you JC, is this my final test?

A name is just a name. What's important is that at the end of the day, whatever name you have been Christened with, the most important question is: Have you served the Lord today? Have you done your purpose? Did you use His blessings to bless other people? I learned that the stain people try to put on your name is not important in the eyes of the Lord. You are what's important to Him.

6. If you don't feel like you're into it from the very start, STOP! Not all projects are meant to be finished. Project Preacher was unsuccessful because I did not give enough attention to it. I thought it just needed a little reminder. I was lost in the distractions and facade. JC terminated the project before I got drowned on it. Thank you.

Someone texted me this: "It's not true that when you are single, you are free from pain. Actually it's more painful because being single while loving somebody who can never be yours is an endless torture." I guess this is true not only for singles who's life revolves only around one person but also for those in a relationship where you are just an option. I cannot relate because when I decided to be single, I have detached myself completely from any of my past. I bravely went through all the stages of letting go. I'm a cancerian. I hide in my shell for sometime then goes out renewed. This resulted to an empowered me. I focused on my responsibilities as a mom and reflected on what I wanted to achieve. I am just like my mom. We don't dwell on our past, instead we move on to what's better. It's just a matter of deciding whether to make that choice or just stay where you are. Believe me, there's more to life than being in misery.

7. If God put you through it, He will be the one to pull you through it. I asked that person to read that controversial letter in an orange envelope at home and that I wanted to be alone this time.

" I was in it for the fun part initially but you eventually convinced me to give it a try. I did give it a shot. As you said there's nothing to lose, I'll just be loved. Guess what? I may have not lost anything but I don't really feel loved at all. Instead, I felt confused and hurt all at the same time. I'm confused because you've changed."

"....I don't want to hurt you or keep you holding on."

While he stayed in our fave place, I remember going straight to church after I gave that goodbye letter. I've asked guidance and strength to be firm this time. I don't want to be in that kind of relationship where love is not the real core of it. I don't feel loved because that's not the kind of love I had in my heart.  I felt it's becoming worldly, sinful and out of focus. I'm getting dragged out of the right direction. That is not my definition of Love. Besides, my heart longs for something else. I learned that whatever you asked from God, if it is for good, He will answer you right away. He saved me that same week when I got nearly lost track again.

8. Stick to your standards. JC always humour me when it comes to my preferences. I've been praying for Mr. blue eyes, but I'm not asking for it to happen soon. I'm still busy planting seeds of faith for my financial freedom. I'm looking at 10 more years coz by that time the boys are all big enough for me to travel anywhere. A travel buddy and a musician with dazzling blue eyes (seriously!) would be perfect. And since I'm used to negotiating with my kids through choices, that's what JC used on me. It was like: I'm giving you a Japanese, right now, just here close to you but he's a real work in progress or if you still want the blue eyed travelling buddy, you have to wait 10 years. Curiosity killed the cat. I was challenged with the project because of the preacher thing. I thought I'm heading to spiritual enlightenment but I almost got killed instead. EQ tested and almost failed. Gotcha! Lesson learned: Stick to your standards, patience always reap great rewards.

9. I learned not to ignore those little signs that makes you stop and think. I had those episodes where everything just all came back to me. Those moments where I shrug off those little signs of warning waiting to be noticed. Thank God I've got boys. I fear that if I had a daughter I'll be more careful and watchful. I wouldn't want her to be near anyone who doesn't know how to respect women. It might just be the greatest mistake I'll ever have. I only learned recently that a pattern is happening and those involved are the same people. One who takes advantage, the one who never learned and a confused victim. They were even introduced to each other after.  Bless these people.  Remember those stories used against me? My friend is bound to experience that same dilemna. That is, if discovered.

10. Pen is mightier than the sword. Our national hero is a classic example. Truth written will always be way better than lies spoken. I'm not spontaneous because I choose my words well. I'm very softspoken. I refrain from saying words that can hurt. I can be fierce but I don't want to take back words coz the pain it can cause can't be taken back. So I choose to say only the truth. It will hurt like hell (as described by others who always experience it but never learned) but it will give you the strength if you take it as a learning experience. Funny how some people equate telling the Truth as "paninira" when the root cause of all are the lies and made up stories being fed by that person. I learned that it's never a good idea to argue with a person who personally admitted being low in moral values.

11. I learned that what I'm going through is incomparable with what others are experiencing right now. People can always choose to lie and hurt others. They can choose to live in misery for all they want. These are things we don't have control of. But we can always choose to do worthwhile things instead. So to drown all those negative vibes I turned all my energy in helping out with the recent CDO help campaign of my friends and spent Christmas day with kids who are afflicted with cancer. Time well spent.

There. I'm now looking forward to 2012. I'm not sure what struggles I'm going to face this time but I'm pretty sure it's going to be easy. I hope:)

Happy New Year everyone!

Have you already decluttered for real?

20 blessings and 11 lessons this 2011

Last year, same month. I remember being excited for the coming year. I was looking forward to a fruitful one. I had attended several financial seminars and enrolled myself in the online marketing class of a well known Internet marketing guru. It was a great sacrifice in my budget but I know investing in knowledge is far greater than investing in temporary stuffs. Being active online for the past 8 years, I know I'm heading to greater possibilities.
But just like every road, there will always be bumps and crossroads along the way. There are choices to make and each trials give us lessons and strength to move forward. This year proved to be one of the turning point in my life.

Let's start with my 20 Bundled Blessings.

1. Faye- the ultimate goddess in my circle of friends. A classic example of beauty, charm and wit. She gave me that piece of advise I'll never forget. "Be classy". "We're not Gretchen Barretto. We're Maricar Reyes. Choose your battles. It's the people who knows you well that matters for we are the ones who believe and knows who you really are." And after that talk, she had to follow up to remind me by sending me a private message. Thank you Faye.

2. Grace- a childhood friend. Despite her softspoken ways, she can hold a group's attention with the substance of her message. Her clear outlook in life and sense of fairness makes her one of my most admired women of my batch. Thank you for all the legal advices and all the information I needed in my quest for exposing the truth. In exchange for that, I'm trying out that Red velvet cake you asked me to bake for you. Not a bribe, mind you;p.

3. Ms. Jovie- for doing what is needed and for seeing through me. For the comforting words, for the assurance that I'm not alone in this and that everyone believes in me because they know the truth. And for the group hug. That touched me, really. I love you guys, muah!

4. Pia- I know how you wanted to reveal what you know just to get things straight if only you weren't reminded by the boyfriend. You are lucky to have one who looks after your welfare. Kudos to Glenn. We know very well what the reaction will be if you went straight ahead spilling it. (remember the recent issue about a PM on FB?) And you are very correct on that term "disgusting attitude". I could have not said it better. Still, I thank you for backing me up.

5. Chad- my running buddy. I'm saying it again...we may never have the same trips in life, but I do appreciate that you understood all my sentiments. Thanks for watching over my back, for being such a good friend, for the tequila session and for being such a gentleman.

6. Apple- for reminding me of the path I used to take. I'm finally back on track. This time no more distractions. Let's get truly rich with God's warm embrace and forgiving love. The caring group we have will always be a priority this time regardless of previous plans. This time I'm choosing this commitment.

7. Angel- for considering me as your sister. Thank you for the loyalty. As I always tell you, don't put yourself in a situation where you can no longer run away. Save the firsts to someone worth it. You're still young. Seize the moment with your passion and quest for knowledge. And yes, you have to speak up and inform the right people. Remember we are accountable of each other, friends or not. We are now seeing the pattern. This has to stop.

8.Alex and Patski- for showing that true love still exists. A love not solely focused on physical connection but on interests, friends and music. Fun couple! I always love couples who look fun instead of the mushy ones. Lots of laugh plus good times equal great partnership. Always bring out the best in each other, that should be your everyday goal. Alex, I never asked but I really appreciate what you did. Sometimes, people just need somebody to slap them with truth. You've seen all the emails, text messages and all his lies. Now the decision to accept the truth is not in our hands anymore.

9. Alton- I will always treasure in my heart that email where you bravely replied to teach the right thing instead of tolerating such ungentleman act. You are truly a man of class. Your parents have brought you up well. I remember during the early days of our training how you asked for that sisterly advise from me when you were just courting A. Such a perfect example of what goes around, comes around. If you give kindness, that's what universe gives back.

10. My team mates.
Jhong - for that daily funny horoscope from MRT newspaper. You may never said anything but I felt that concern in your words and eyes.
Kara- for that "no balls" statement. Funny but true. We won't be proud to have one like that, ayt?
Reg- we should have talked earlier. I guess I'm too late. But whatever, I'm just here for you.
Aris- Remember what I told you when we we're just new in the account? I hope you get better soon. You are missing a lot
JP- stay pure no matter what.

11. The Bikers, Paul & Chris.
I may not be as cool as you think but I appreciate your stand on the recent issue I've been through. I know deep in your hearts you feel for me. Now I find it funny how you tag such words on that person upfront. Fits him exactly. (Lols).
Looking back to our group discussions before, I agree Paul when you said that there are just some people who loves to get noticed and would do anything to get that attention. During the first few weeks, I silently let the issue pass by. But since they cannot get any reaction from me they have to use you guys to pissed me off. Oh well, their reaction have totally defined them. 

12. Ara- It was a touching experience getting to know you and what you've sacrificed for your family. I can totally relate. You'll get through that promise. I've been there and it's truly a rewarding experience. The kindness you are planting today will reap rewards for tomorrow. Have faith.

13. Elijah- for the first one to approach me at the party. As always, the truth will set us free. Thank you. Your revelation just matched what his old friend had also revealed.

14. Marge- Thanks for the honest feedback. Honestly, I didn't find it surprising when you switch from the friendly advise of "it's not worth it" to "pursue it!".  Having read all the outburst and the choice of words totally reveal one's personality, right?  Now I find it funny that you just turned into a grammar nazi suddenly. :D

15. My Homies:)
Joy- my ever bubbly friend who first asked why I chopped Mate (see link, ok?) from the pic. I haven't told her the complete story, yet she already asked me not to waste time on these kind of people but be productive instead. Haha, you know me very well Joyee. Of course, I'd rather read, blog, run, play with my kids and bake with them.

Carol- for being funny, barbaric and different. it's always nice to have someone who look and react at things differently. Thank you for all the war freak suggestions, it really made me laugh. In the end, you made me look at the situation to be petty and nonsense. Just like Joyee, I owe you guys some good chikaminute soon! Looking forward to a night of hearty laugh. :)

16. Ria- you may have been very straightforward lately but the fun I always have with you during our food trips drowned all that negative vibes. We may not be the perfect moms, we may not have all the money in the world, we may never get to buy that condo we were eyeing for, or that super big kitchen that we always dream of, but in the end  just the tought of us together is enough for me to appreciate life and true friendship. Oye, I couldn't agree more when you said the project was kinda so,so.

17. Charles- for the juicy advise and puzzling questions that always make me think,  for the feedback on my baking goodies, for the punchlines you keep on inserting in our email exchanges, for the lunch at Jollibee, and for the listening ear you always have for my never ending stories about my sisters and kids and of course about my latest discoveries and interests... I thought the reason why I met you ended a long time ago. Turns out God has a better plan for us. Let's keep the friendship at its best, no crossing of boundaries;p

18. Housemates:
Victor- I couldn't thank you enough. You have been a wonderful example to my kids not only with good manners but with good health as well. Thank you for serving veggies and seafoods. Now I learned that Ichirou is now hooked on the abs trainer, haha. As long as they do the jumping jack everyday, I'm fine with that. (Now I'm thinking of that threadmill Ichirou suggested a few months back). I promise next time I'll be very choosy to introduce just well mannered guys at home. Anyway, we can't blame them, our home feels like they'll never want to leave again.

Aisa- my ever reliable assistant:) Thank you for following all my instructions well and for taking care of our house. You will always be like a sister to us remember that. Don't ever hesitate to tell us if you need anything.

19. The sisters.
Bingle- I know how you've tried to really convince me that I'm making a big mistake from the very start. Those sisterly coffee sessions are really awesome. Next time, try harder:) You know how my kindness always cloud my way of seeing things. So instead of me pulling up this person to goodness, I was dragged down to sinfulness. I love you with all my heart and you know that. Thank you for the honest and wise judgement everytime. You may be from that famous UP, but your heart and mind are always well grounded.

 Xa- my activity buddy. Despite the 10 year age gap, we manage to do things together. Now I'm addicted to K-pop too. You were hilarious when you said I'm into J-pop instead. Na-ah! lols. I love you sister and thank you for your generosity to your nephews and for the laugh everytime. Thank you also for reminding me that we are supposed to be the kind of person we wanted to meet. I seriously needed to go back to my old self to attract decent people. Note to self- do not share family inside jokes, some people may take it seriously;D.

20. Ichirou & Jirou- for just being my kids. Thank you for my everyday dose of laughter. You never fail to brighten my day. No matter what people say about me, you, my lovely boys will always be a reflection of my unconditional love and my strength as a mom. You all know better. You are smart enough to see through things. I need not say anything. The affirmation just reveal itself anyways and the people who knows me well can attest to that. ;)

see: 20 blessings and 11 lessons this 2011 (part2)