20 Blessings and 11 Lessons this 2011 (part2)

So to start the year right, I am now decluttering all the bad vibes and pain I've been through for the past year. Let's pour it out and just take the lessons so we won't commit the same error again this coming year. I'm a fast learner you see:)

11 Lessons

1. Pointing fingers just point those 3 fingers back to the accuser.
Now I totally understood why I am being accused of bribing, making up stories and most especially pulling out my wallet. (haha, I don't even have a wallet). The universe has a way of bringing back those people who knows. Funny coz they appeared one at a time, each at the right place and time. Thank you guys.
And just recently, I was accused of pretending to be someone in FB and sending a PM about asking to put down malicious posts about me. I'm a transparent person so pretending will never be in my list of favorite activities. I think these people will never really comprehend unless they open their hearts and mind. And yes, it just goes back to: pointing fingers just point those 3 fingers back to the accuser.

2. My payroll goes directly to my kids' bank accounts so I have to do online transfer each time I need to pay bills. I don't bring my ATM at work, only daily allowance for my fare (P100-200 a day) coz this prevents me from buying food outside. I bring lunch to save more. My phone is an old Nokia model 2300 series I think (haha, I'm not even sure). My new clothes and shoes were all sponsored by the sisters. Now I get to use my old clothes because I've lost weight. I'm still paying an emergency loan for my kid's tuition fees. The kid's budget for food is stretched because they love to eat and they are boys:p. I shoulder house bills and all my kids' expenses. Bottomline? I don't have enough cash to buy stuffs for myself, (not my passion either) let alone spend for someone not related to me. Now I learned that if I can't lower down expenses, I have to increase my sources. Time to accept online writing gigs again while baking and selling goodies on the side.

3. Comprehension gets all blurry when the heart is full of negative emotions. I always choose my words when speaking or even writing. I was brought up that way. I believe that you can never take back words you've said. You'll just regret later on because what comes out of the mouth clearly reflects what's inside of you and what you are in times of struggle and height of emotions. Your way with words totally defines you. I'm careful with the words my kids hear and read because parents are supposed to be good example of their kids. The reader, albeit the article was written in clear simple words will always choose how they want to interpret the message even if the picture (not literally) is very clear. Now like the bible where people have different interpretations as they receive the message, you'll just have to trust that whatever message they choose to get, serve its purpose.

4. I learned that it's easier to accept the fact that somebody lied to me and made me believed that the effort and love they are showing are true. It happens. We can always forgive ourselves for believing it too. What I realized is that being used as an escapegoat for something I'm not aware of and being the subject of made up lies is really unforgivable. Betrayal is already something but having no balls to admit one's fault  and using others to cover up or save face is too much already.

5. People may call you names, degrade you, demoralize you or even test your faith. They would even send you text mesages using different numbers and pretend they are someone else. Don't mind the mediocre things they do. Just continue to strive harder to do the right thing. Go back to the right path and continue living according to God's will. Remember that saints have been trough tortures worst than we do but they held on to their faith. Not that I'm claiming to be a saint (disclaimer). But leaving the past sins behind and starting anew is far better than lingering on it. Remember that all these sacrifices are for the Lord who is the sole source of all the happiness we get here on earth. I learned that taking the right path is far better than dwelling on mistakes. I'm already near you JC, is this my final test?

A name is just a name. What's important is that at the end of the day, whatever name you have been Christened with, the most important question is: Have you served the Lord today? Have you done your purpose? Did you use His blessings to bless other people? I learned that the stain people try to put on your name is not important in the eyes of the Lord. You are what's important to Him.

6. If you don't feel like you're into it from the very start, STOP! Not all projects are meant to be finished. Project Preacher was unsuccessful because I did not give enough attention to it. I thought it just needed a little reminder. I was lost in the distractions and facade. JC terminated the project before I got drowned on it. Thank you.

Someone texted me this: "It's not true that when you are single, you are free from pain. Actually it's more painful because being single while loving somebody who can never be yours is an endless torture." I guess this is true not only for singles who's life revolves only around one person but also for those in a relationship where you are just an option. I cannot relate because when I decided to be single, I have detached myself completely from any of my past. I bravely went through all the stages of letting go. I'm a cancerian. I hide in my shell for sometime then goes out renewed. This resulted to an empowered me. I focused on my responsibilities as a mom and reflected on what I wanted to achieve. I am just like my mom. We don't dwell on our past, instead we move on to what's better. It's just a matter of deciding whether to make that choice or just stay where you are. Believe me, there's more to life than being in misery.

7. If God put you through it, He will be the one to pull you through it. I asked that person to read that controversial letter in an orange envelope at home and that I wanted to be alone this time.

" I was in it for the fun part initially but you eventually convinced me to give it a try. I did give it a shot. As you said there's nothing to lose, I'll just be loved. Guess what? I may have not lost anything but I don't really feel loved at all. Instead, I felt confused and hurt all at the same time. I'm confused because you've changed."

"....I don't want to hurt you or keep you holding on."

While he stayed in our fave place, I remember going straight to church after I gave that goodbye letter. I've asked guidance and strength to be firm this time. I don't want to be in that kind of relationship where love is not the real core of it. I don't feel loved because that's not the kind of love I had in my heart.  I felt it's becoming worldly, sinful and out of focus. I'm getting dragged out of the right direction. That is not my definition of Love. Besides, my heart longs for something else. I learned that whatever you asked from God, if it is for good, He will answer you right away. He saved me that same week when I got nearly lost track again.

8. Stick to your standards. JC always humour me when it comes to my preferences. I've been praying for Mr. blue eyes, but I'm not asking for it to happen soon. I'm still busy planting seeds of faith for my financial freedom. I'm looking at 10 more years coz by that time the boys are all big enough for me to travel anywhere. A travel buddy and a musician with dazzling blue eyes (seriously!) would be perfect. And since I'm used to negotiating with my kids through choices, that's what JC used on me. It was like: I'm giving you a Japanese, right now, just here close to you but he's a real work in progress or if you still want the blue eyed travelling buddy, you have to wait 10 years. Curiosity killed the cat. I was challenged with the project because of the preacher thing. I thought I'm heading to spiritual enlightenment but I almost got killed instead. EQ tested and almost failed. Gotcha! Lesson learned: Stick to your standards, patience always reap great rewards.

9. I learned not to ignore those little signs that makes you stop and think. I had those episodes where everything just all came back to me. Those moments where I shrug off those little signs of warning waiting to be noticed. Thank God I've got boys. I fear that if I had a daughter I'll be more careful and watchful. I wouldn't want her to be near anyone who doesn't know how to respect women. It might just be the greatest mistake I'll ever have. I only learned recently that a pattern is happening and those involved are the same people. One who takes advantage, the one who never learned and a confused victim. They were even introduced to each other after.  Bless these people.  Remember those stories used against me? My friend is bound to experience that same dilemna. That is, if discovered.

10. Pen is mightier than the sword. Our national hero is a classic example. Truth written will always be way better than lies spoken. I'm not spontaneous because I choose my words well. I'm very softspoken. I refrain from saying words that can hurt. I can be fierce but I don't want to take back words coz the pain it can cause can't be taken back. So I choose to say only the truth. It will hurt like hell (as described by others who always experience it but never learned) but it will give you the strength if you take it as a learning experience. Funny how some people equate telling the Truth as "paninira" when the root cause of all are the lies and made up stories being fed by that person. I learned that it's never a good idea to argue with a person who personally admitted being low in moral values.

11. I learned that what I'm going through is incomparable with what others are experiencing right now. People can always choose to lie and hurt others. They can choose to live in misery for all they want. These are things we don't have control of. But we can always choose to do worthwhile things instead. So to drown all those negative vibes I turned all my energy in helping out with the recent CDO help campaign of my friends and spent Christmas day with kids who are afflicted with cancer. Time well spent.

There. I'm now looking forward to 2012. I'm not sure what struggles I'm going to face this time but I'm pretty sure it's going to be easy. I hope:)

Happy New Year everyone!

Have you already decluttered for real?

20 blessings and 11 lessons this 2011

Last year, same month. I remember being excited for the coming year. I was looking forward to a fruitful one. I had attended several financial seminars and enrolled myself in the online marketing class of a well known Internet marketing guru. It was a great sacrifice in my budget but I know investing in knowledge is far greater than investing in temporary stuffs. Being active online for the past 8 years, I know I'm heading to greater possibilities.
But just like every road, there will always be bumps and crossroads along the way. There are choices to make and each trials give us lessons and strength to move forward. This year proved to be one of the turning point in my life.

Let's start with my 20 Bundled Blessings.

1. Faye- the ultimate goddess in my circle of friends. A classic example of beauty, charm and wit. She gave me that piece of advise I'll never forget. "Be classy". "We're not Gretchen Barretto. We're Maricar Reyes. Choose your battles. It's the people who knows you well that matters for we are the ones who believe and knows who you really are." And after that talk, she had to follow up to remind me by sending me a private message. Thank you Faye.

2. Grace- a childhood friend. Despite her softspoken ways, she can hold a group's attention with the substance of her message. Her clear outlook in life and sense of fairness makes her one of my most admired women of my batch. Thank you for all the legal advices and all the information I needed in my quest for exposing the truth. In exchange for that, I'm trying out that Red velvet cake you asked me to bake for you. Not a bribe, mind you;p.

3. Ms. Jovie- for doing what is needed and for seeing through me. For the comforting words, for the assurance that I'm not alone in this and that everyone believes in me because they know the truth. And for the group hug. That touched me, really. I love you guys, muah!

4. Pia- I know how you wanted to reveal what you know just to get things straight if only you weren't reminded by the boyfriend. You are lucky to have one who looks after your welfare. Kudos to Glenn. We know very well what the reaction will be if you went straight ahead spilling it. (remember the recent issue about a PM on FB?) And you are very correct on that term "disgusting attitude". I could have not said it better. Still, I thank you for backing me up.

5. Chad- my running buddy. I'm saying it again...we may never have the same trips in life, but I do appreciate that you understood all my sentiments. Thanks for watching over my back, for being such a good friend, for the tequila session and for being such a gentleman.

6. Apple- for reminding me of the path I used to take. I'm finally back on track. This time no more distractions. Let's get truly rich with God's warm embrace and forgiving love. The caring group we have will always be a priority this time regardless of previous plans. This time I'm choosing this commitment.

7. Angel- for considering me as your sister. Thank you for the loyalty. As I always tell you, don't put yourself in a situation where you can no longer run away. Save the firsts to someone worth it. You're still young. Seize the moment with your passion and quest for knowledge. And yes, you have to speak up and inform the right people. Remember we are accountable of each other, friends or not. We are now seeing the pattern. This has to stop.

8.Alex and Patski- for showing that true love still exists. A love not solely focused on physical connection but on interests, friends and music. Fun couple! I always love couples who look fun instead of the mushy ones. Lots of laugh plus good times equal great partnership. Always bring out the best in each other, that should be your everyday goal. Alex, I never asked but I really appreciate what you did. Sometimes, people just need somebody to slap them with truth. You've seen all the emails, text messages and all his lies. Now the decision to accept the truth is not in our hands anymore.

9. Alton- I will always treasure in my heart that email where you bravely replied to teach the right thing instead of tolerating such ungentleman act. You are truly a man of class. Your parents have brought you up well. I remember during the early days of our training how you asked for that sisterly advise from me when you were just courting A. Such a perfect example of what goes around, comes around. If you give kindness, that's what universe gives back.

10. My team mates.
Jhong - for that daily funny horoscope from MRT newspaper. You may never said anything but I felt that concern in your words and eyes.
Kara- for that "no balls" statement. Funny but true. We won't be proud to have one like that, ayt?
Reg- we should have talked earlier. I guess I'm too late. But whatever, I'm just here for you.
Aris- Remember what I told you when we we're just new in the account? I hope you get better soon. You are missing a lot
JP- stay pure no matter what.

11. The Bikers, Paul & Chris.
I may not be as cool as you think but I appreciate your stand on the recent issue I've been through. I know deep in your hearts you feel for me. Now I find it funny how you tag such words on that person upfront. Fits him exactly. (Lols).
Looking back to our group discussions before, I agree Paul when you said that there are just some people who loves to get noticed and would do anything to get that attention. During the first few weeks, I silently let the issue pass by. But since they cannot get any reaction from me they have to use you guys to pissed me off. Oh well, their reaction have totally defined them. 

12. Ara- It was a touching experience getting to know you and what you've sacrificed for your family. I can totally relate. You'll get through that promise. I've been there and it's truly a rewarding experience. The kindness you are planting today will reap rewards for tomorrow. Have faith.

13. Elijah- for the first one to approach me at the party. As always, the truth will set us free. Thank you. Your revelation just matched what his old friend had also revealed.

14. Marge- Thanks for the honest feedback. Honestly, I didn't find it surprising when you switch from the friendly advise of "it's not worth it" to "pursue it!".  Having read all the outburst and the choice of words totally reveal one's personality, right?  Now I find it funny that you just turned into a grammar nazi suddenly. :D

15. My Homies:)
Joy- my ever bubbly friend who first asked why I chopped Mate (see link, ok?) from the pic. I haven't told her the complete story, yet she already asked me not to waste time on these kind of people but be productive instead. Haha, you know me very well Joyee. Of course, I'd rather read, blog, run, play with my kids and bake with them.

Carol- for being funny, barbaric and different. it's always nice to have someone who look and react at things differently. Thank you for all the war freak suggestions, it really made me laugh. In the end, you made me look at the situation to be petty and nonsense. Just like Joyee, I owe you guys some good chikaminute soon! Looking forward to a night of hearty laugh. :)

16. Ria- you may have been very straightforward lately but the fun I always have with you during our food trips drowned all that negative vibes. We may not be the perfect moms, we may not have all the money in the world, we may never get to buy that condo we were eyeing for, or that super big kitchen that we always dream of, but in the end  just the tought of us together is enough for me to appreciate life and true friendship. Oye, I couldn't agree more when you said the project was kinda so,so.

17. Charles- for the juicy advise and puzzling questions that always make me think,  for the feedback on my baking goodies, for the punchlines you keep on inserting in our email exchanges, for the lunch at Jollibee, and for the listening ear you always have for my never ending stories about my sisters and kids and of course about my latest discoveries and interests... I thought the reason why I met you ended a long time ago. Turns out God has a better plan for us. Let's keep the friendship at its best, no crossing of boundaries;p

18. Housemates:
Victor- I couldn't thank you enough. You have been a wonderful example to my kids not only with good manners but with good health as well. Thank you for serving veggies and seafoods. Now I learned that Ichirou is now hooked on the abs trainer, haha. As long as they do the jumping jack everyday, I'm fine with that. (Now I'm thinking of that threadmill Ichirou suggested a few months back). I promise next time I'll be very choosy to introduce just well mannered guys at home. Anyway, we can't blame them, our home feels like they'll never want to leave again.

Aisa- my ever reliable assistant:) Thank you for following all my instructions well and for taking care of our house. You will always be like a sister to us remember that. Don't ever hesitate to tell us if you need anything.

19. The sisters.
Bingle- I know how you've tried to really convince me that I'm making a big mistake from the very start. Those sisterly coffee sessions are really awesome. Next time, try harder:) You know how my kindness always cloud my way of seeing things. So instead of me pulling up this person to goodness, I was dragged down to sinfulness. I love you with all my heart and you know that. Thank you for the honest and wise judgement everytime. You may be from that famous UP, but your heart and mind are always well grounded.

 Xa- my activity buddy. Despite the 10 year age gap, we manage to do things together. Now I'm addicted to K-pop too. You were hilarious when you said I'm into J-pop instead. Na-ah! lols. I love you sister and thank you for your generosity to your nephews and for the laugh everytime. Thank you also for reminding me that we are supposed to be the kind of person we wanted to meet. I seriously needed to go back to my old self to attract decent people. Note to self- do not share family inside jokes, some people may take it seriously;D.

20. Ichirou & Jirou- for just being my kids. Thank you for my everyday dose of laughter. You never fail to brighten my day. No matter what people say about me, you, my lovely boys will always be a reflection of my unconditional love and my strength as a mom. You all know better. You are smart enough to see through things. I need not say anything. The affirmation just reveal itself anyways and the people who knows me well can attest to that. ;)


see: 20 blessings and 11 lessons this 2011 (part2)

Disclaimer

I woke up yesterday with this thought in mind. The perspective article have been long waiting to be published. I should have finished it earlier. Now I thought a disclaimer is a better alternative. We cannot control how people see things, but at least we can prove our point.

The blog aims to inform, educate and share. It aims to enlighten too but I do not expect much. For enlightenment only comes to those who have open mind and hearts. It is limited only to those who welcome change and ready to embrace a new life.

I never preached in my blogs. I post favorite quotes or bible passages but I never dare to explain because It was never my intention to stir a debate. I only trust the message as I understood it from my heart. I regard the message as a reminder for me but who knows, somebody might just be needing it too. That's why I share. I'm open to all kinds of faith and I ask a lot of questions but I don't dare create a diversion. After all what's important is we believe that there is somebody up there who loves us and is watching over our every decisions.

If you will read without bitterness, I regard my God as my friend, my shock absorber, my only hope, my only rescue, my adviser and my constant guide. That's what my reflections are for. I do not claim nor use God to portray myself as a good one because all those reflections claims my mistakes in life and how God pull me through it.

I'm not a perfect person but I'm struggling to be one by not hurting others as much as possible. But I won't tolerate people who tries to push me to the limit.

The world doesn't revolve with just one person. My world is too big to share love with. If you feel a pinch in your heart, that means it's a wake up call.

Now the questions below every post is a reminder to those who have been enlightend. Will they act on it or not? Because enlightenment doesn't end with just a thought. It needs action to make it work.

Thank you for the readers who keeps on visiting the blog. I'm returning the favor by giving you more informative and productive activities to do.

God bless you.

Scared to be single?

Top 10 Reasons Why It's Cool to be Single

1. You have more time for God, yourself, your family and friends. This is so true. I had more time to travel with friends, more bonding time with the kids, more time to learn new stuffs like baking and more time to attend church. 
2. You have the absolute freedom to accomplish the things that you're supposed to do alone---your MISSION. Without distractions, I was able to join more charitable projects.
3. You can go out more often to raise God's banner to the ends of the earth. 
4. You can be more open to God's great plans for your life. Yes and more open to God's blessings.
5. You can discover new things about yourself. Haha, more "ME" time! 
6. You can travel the world without depending on someone's schedule. No waiting time. :)
7. You can explore things fearlessly.  No sick partner to attend to or hinder your enthusiasm during physical activities.  
8. You can go out with friends (male/female) without asking someone's permission. I can always meet new friends without worrying for a jealous partner. 
9. You can really prepare for your  exciting future. And I'm always excited!
10. You can be the best that you can be while waiting for your ONE TRUE LOVE. Time flies so fast you'll just know when he's there and you'll just immediately say YES, I'm giving my commitment. :) 

my butterfly is ready to fly away 

Looking back, I remember myself enjoying this kind of freedom without even realizing it.  It's  really nice when you have a mindset different from the crowd. You don't get to be carried away by the wave.  

This is a repost from my friend Apple's blog.  She gave me permission to post this as we have once talked about being single and how it's like to be free. I'm sure anybody who is too dependent on someone will never relate to this topic unless they have the strength to move on and embrace the real benefits of being free and single and if they have the courage to open up to more of  God's blessings. 

Scared to be  single? 

From what feels good, back to what is good

I have a  seatmate from office who is my constant reminder that the path I was trekking was actually the right one. I remember a status I posted on my FB page:

I've been blessed with friends who are really funny, but still, YOU-> dear Lord, got the craziest sense of humor! Imagine me everyday squeezed in between my temptation and a person who reminds me of the path I was once trekking. You got the best timing, as always! :)

It was really a funny set up. The temptation holding my hand the whole time while Apple talks about love and God. Now I realized, that even if my hands were loved the whole time, my attention is still on what Apple has to say because I've been there. I know that familiar feeling of lightness that envelopes me everyday and I missed it. In my heart that's where I want to be.

I was temporarily distracted. I must have been blinded by my mission to share optimism and kindness to a lost soul. I felt I had to do something. I was very careful not to hurt anybody especially a lonely one. I've tried to share the inspirational books I've been reading, the subscriptions on my emails were constantly forwarded to enlighten and inspire, and my good examples as a person should be enough to rediscover life and its goodness.

In the end, however good our intentions may be, there will still be people who will choose to stay on the lonely road. I remember one conversation I had with this person about God and the end of the world. That person said he would rather wait and watch for it to happen than to struggle doing the right thing for in their faith everything will eventually be wiped out. I thought I could lead the person to at least make an effort to do good things but it turns out the person doesn't really care about others. He's not even connected to his family's social network.Or maybe it's not his.

We used to plan on having bible conversations the whole day.  I now wonder how he used to be as a preacher. Bless his soul.

How do you plan on saving your soul?

Music for Mom

Last Saturday, I had a chance to support a very noble cause initiated by the children for their mom. Aside from the yearly charitable visits we do for the orphanage, these are the kind of events I frequent with. I am very lucky to have friends like Alex and Chad who are always there for support. They are one of my male friends whom I consider very close to my heart. It was a fun night with different kind of music played by several bands whom Pat and Alex are friends with.

The fund raising event was for Patricia's mom who underwent surgery and would need more help for the medical expenses. Their mom must have been pretty special to deserve such love and effort from her children.

I remember my mom when she was hospitalized several years back, my sisters and I have alternately searched for ways to shoulder the bill for the hospital and medications. It was really a very challenging time in our life. But during those times will you realize how good our parents must have been to have raised such loving and responsible children. It is the time when you'll realize how your mother have raised you to be the kind of person who can get past through any struggle. It was the time where we really felt how close we are as a family and how we really care for each other. It was the most depressing time of our life but it definitely made our bond stronger and defined. It was the time that Mom has to let go and have let us fly on our own.

with real good friends Alex & Chad

I have several share of Mommy moments where I felt confirmation that what I'm currently doing as a mom is right and cool. There was this time me and my boys were playing in the playpen I personally designed in my father's house. A girl aged 9 or 10 was watching me and the boys play and enjoy each other. She then approached me and said "I wish you were my mom." I smiled back and let her join us. Her mom was just near us busy talking with her friends. My youngest sister often commented on how she loved being at home because she loved what I cook and bake. Some friends and office mates have expressed how cool it would be like to have me as a sister or a mom. I'm just sharing what I'm good at and that is nurturing. I don't have much money but I have lots of friends who treats me like a family and a family who treats me like a friend. I guess what you give just eventually goes back naturally. 



what goes around comes around...

Chocolate chip muffins

This chocolate chip muffin is one of my very first experiment when I was just starting to learn how to bake. My friend from grade school who is now based in Dubai shared this recipe and I was inspired to do this for my boys who are so fond of chocolates. I was so surprised at how easy it is to bake this. It was definitely a hit at home.

Chocolate Chips Muffin

2 cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1/8 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1 bag chocolate chips
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup melted unsalted butter
2 tbsp sour cream
2 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/3 cup white sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar

1. Pre-heat oven to 200 degrees Celsius. Line a 12 cup muffin tin with muffin cups.
2. In a small bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt. Set aside.
3. In a separate bowl, toss the chocolate chips with half a cup of the mixed dry ingredients and make sure the chocolate chips are coated with the mixture.
4. Mix together butter, milk, eggs, vanilla, the brown and the white sugar. Mix well until everything is combined together. Add the dry ingredients mixture.
5. Then add the chocolate chips to the batter mixture. Use a spatula to fold in all the ingredients.
6. Put the batter in each of the prepared muffin tins with the use of an ice cream scooper.
7. Bake for 18 - 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the middle of the muffin comes out clean.
8. Let it cool for 5 minutes and serve.


Ling is a dear friend since grade school, in our Alma mater who made a difference in shaping my faith. We started with SSMMAALL, a group name combining  all of our initials. We eventually acquired new friends and the friendship circle just got bigger. Now, we are classmates again in Jomar's Internet Marketing class. This used to eat much of my time requiring me to stay glued on my computer for hours.  It was worth it.  It's always fun learning something new.


You can check out her blog at Quickandeasybaking .

Have you learned something new today?

Beyond physical needs

One of our fave past time in the office is exchanging thoughts and views through email thread. Last month's topic was about love, courtship and marriage. One catalyst was this quote forwarded by Kara .

This one was the description of love from  the movie Captain Corelli's Mandolin:

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away...

Physical intimacy takes time to sync in and true love doesn't dwell on that. We cannot deny that it's part of every relationship but the main focus should not be on that alone but on the person you are having relationship with. If we are able to bring out the best in each other, that I think would be the best standard of having a commited relationship. That's pure love.

"The best relationships are between two people who care more about each other’s good than their own momentary pleasure." (I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris)

Do you know what love is?

On making the right choices

Girlfriend and I had the best bonding moment ever. Food trip as usual this time at Peri Peri Charcoal Chicken Dinner, last full show at Megamall, cheezecake tasting at Greenfields then checked in early in the morning to sneak some zzzzzs before shopping for clothes and sandals the next day. I finally killed the curiosity on the buzz about the movie "No Other Woman". 

The movie portrays a realistic view of a complicated relationship where everyone is expected to be hurt in the end. Of course. Every character in the story can be easily related to but it will still depend on who you portray yourself with in the story.

It's a typical love triangle story. Married guy meets single girl. Single girl is out to play. Two consenting adults, what could they lose? "Kiss me, and don't you dare fall in love with me." A clear warning from single girl. The fun continues... then somebody fell along the way. Guess who?

Married guy says: "I wanna take care of you." Then started touching her life and changing it. Remember the moving scene where Ram gave Kara a bed he personally designed as a gift. Pure intentions or not, who made the first move?

When a girl says "don't kill the fun!", that means she's out to play, nothing else. We may never be able to distinguish the guy's intention but the mere fact he made an effort is something to take note of.  It will definitely hit any girl's vulnerability.  Quoting Kara Zalderiaga "a woman only becomes a mistress 'pag may emotional attachment."  So who's at fault when you have been warned in the first place?

So there goes the usual lies, changes in attitude and paranoia. It was like watching a funny film with all the cliche and brave facade both displayed by the struggling characters. In real life, it's not funny when you are in their stilletos. Both are hurt, trying to win a man's heart, trying to find the truth.

Women who don't feel secured tend to do insane things. They stalk, investigate and pretend when all they have to do is ask the right question to the right person and pray. Leave it all to the Almighty. Nothing beats a praying wife. Yes, only praying wife. Quoting Charmaine Escaler:  “bakit ko ipaglalaban ang alam kong akin."

I find this hilarious from Zafra's movie review on what exactly  the movie No Other Woman is saying:

3. Women should humiliate themselves for their men.
3.1. They should engage in public bitch fights in which handbags become metaphors for the man they are fighting over.
3.2. They should invite each other to dinner and threaten to kill the bitch who is boinking their husband.
3.3. If thinly veiled verbal aggression does not suffice, they should have a brawl in a public place.
3.4. It does not occur to them that the person connected to the penis is also responsible for their troubles.

Women are supposed to be loved. We are chased. We do not run after a guy. We don't stalk or follow them. For when women does, it doesn't only emasculate the guys but it humiliates women as well. Imagine looking for a person who's hiding from you, then asking or texting everyone if they have seen the guy. Save yourself some pride.

When Ram and his wife Charmaine stayed in the resort, I was not surprised with that kind of insensitivity. He did not only invite trouble but cracked a big stone on his head as well. It was like from a real life scenario where you're not supposed to introduce your "current" to your so called "ex". What for?

At this point you will know what kind of guy you have in your life. Is he the kind who will follow your whims when you feel like getting even to the unsuspecting party just to prove you or pretend that he is on your side? Is he the kind of guy who will try to harm the girl he promised to take care of  just because his only option is crumbling right before his very eyes? Is he the kind of guy who will stay because he needs you and only you can bear all his lies and fill the emptiness he feels inside or whatever.

Too much love will kill you. It makes us think that the joy we get from loving a person is enough reason to pursue it beyond all reason. A confident woman turned desperate. What to do? I guess all the mess should be fixed with a closure. It takes a real gentleman to face and admit what he has done and a brave woman to accept the outcome and move on with grace and dignity. The movie gave that justification in the end but sadly in real life, it rarely happens.

To end this post I'd like to share this thought about commitment. This has been a struggle to some people to understand and accept. Commitment is not something you ask, beg or force. It is freely given at the right moment and the right time. If it wasn't given, that means the person asking for it doesn't deserve it.

Nothing shapes your life more than the commitments you choose to make... They can build you or destroy you, but either way, they will define you.

Can you keep promises, much more a commitment?

Improvised costume for Trick or Treat!

Every year, employees bring their kids to our company's Trick or Treat event. Minimum age requirement was 3 y/o. The first time I learned of the event my son was just 8 months old. So when he finally turned three I was so excited to bring him. My sister and I did not like the first outcome of her version of scarecrow so I was draining my creative juices an hour before we went to my office's Trick or Treat. I must say, creativity come to moms who are so tight on the budget.

Let me share our improvised version of scarecrow from Wizard of Oz.

1. an old Ukay turtleneck shirt of Tita Bingle

2. Mama's version of red topper from an excess cloth in Tita Auring's tailor shop

3. Ichiro's old hat

4. Ichiro's black school shoes

5. A yellow sack for the hay part made by Tita Xrla both for the hands and feet

6. old brown and orange leaves from our trees at home

7. Ichiro's jogging pants

8. An old string like tie made from wood craps for the belt and for the hands

9. hair pins

This is not his first Trick or Treat. He had one in school already. But being the very shy and quite a snob kid that he is, it's quite an accomplishment that he was able to join the kids in collecting candies with Mama just following around. The good news is: He was awarded BEST in COSTUME! I'm so glad that when his name was called he went forward willingly. He proudly showed me his prize which is a book making kit. We spent the next day putting up shapes and colors to make his ocean adventure book. It was a priceless bonding time.

It was worth the wait !

This was a repost from my old 360 Yahoo blog. The blog host was revamped then ultimately removed from the Yahoo features. I had so many articles on that blog but was able to recover only a few. I still have more blogs around but mostly for private posts only. PHdM is my newest baby and this is not a personal blog. It just aims to share thoughts and lessons learned for the readers to be informed, encouraged and enlightened. 

Are you a Trick or a Treat?

Stucked with the first love...

Kanina nung pauwi ako galing Ortigas, na-realize ko na tama pala talaga ang nanay ko nung sinabi nyang, 'Banda banda roon, makikita mo ang tamang tao para sayo'. Yan yung time na ngawa ako ng ngawa dahil sa isang ungas na niloko lang ako. 

Kung bata ka, tipong 15 years old, at sa tingin mo ay nahanap mo na ang prince charming mo, well kailangan mong maniwala sa akin na mali ka. Magbe-break pa kayo. Hindi ko alam kung pano. Siguro lolokohin ka nya kasi mas maganda ang isa nyang kaklase kesa sayo. O baka dahil sa Maynila sya mag-aaral at ikaw ay maiiwan sa probinsya nyo. O baka dahil sa private college ka mag-aaral at sya ay hinde. Basta, magbe-break pa kayo. Tama yung sinabi ng tatay ko na mag-aral muna ako at magtrabaho kasi mas madaming pogi, mayaman at matalino sa mga opisina. At sa Makati. Wag matigas ang ulo mo. Ayaw ng tatay mo ng madungis at hindi marunong magsuklay na manugang. Baka sapukin nya pa yun. Yang mga raker-raker at emo na yan, tigilan mo yan. Hindi ka pinag-aaral ng magulang mo para makipag-date sa taong nilalaslas ang sariling braso.  

Siguro matanda na talaga ako kaya ko naiisip ang mga bagay na ito. Kasi nung college ako tapos lagi akong pinapagalitan ng nanay at tatay ko, galit na galit ako sa kanila. Laging nakikialam sa buhay ko. Kontrabida ganun. Walang tigil kaka-text kung asan na ako. Pag di nakuntento sa text, tatawag pa yan. 

Yung una kong boyfriend nung third year high school ako, binreakan ko sya pag-uwi ko galing sa youth camp. Sabi kasi sa church dapat daw Christian din. Saka ko lang naisip na Katoliko naman sya, hindi sya Buddhist or whatever. So Christian diba? Yung sunod na boyfriend ko, binreakan ako dahil sa ibang babae. Twice. Hayup yun. Hanggang ngayon gusto kong sipain ang sarili ko pag naiisip kong binayaan ko syang gawin sakin yun ng dalawang beses. Di naman sya pogi. Yung pangatlo, college boyfriend. Basketball player. Matangkad at kamukha ni Mei Zuo sa Meteor Garden. Wag akong husgahan, I had a phase. Nag-break din kami kasi bukod sa wala syang sense kausap, hindi sya maka-keep up sa akin. Oh well. Yung sumunod, college boyfriend din. Ang totoo, hindi ko alam nung panahong iyon kung baket kami nag-break. Pagkatapos ng break up namin, may mga narinig akong balita na bakla daw sya. OMG diba? 

Kelan mo nga ba malalaman na sya na ang tamang lalaki para sayo? Akala mo joke lang yung sinasabi nilang may spark? May butterflies and insects and dragons in your stomach? Well, mali ka na naman. Totoo yun. At least para sakin, totoo sya. So kung hindi mo pa ito nararanasan, mag-aral ka muna. O magtrabaho ng maigi. Hindi mo pa time lumandi. Kaya wag ka munang lumandi. 

          Ang puno't dulo ng note na ito ay ito: Mabuti nalang naniwala ako sa mga magulang ko.




Joy Cab is my first ever guest blogger in Pinay Helpdesk Mom. She's one of the young friends I have around whom I admire a lot for having the attitude to blend well with different kinds of people. She's smart, funny and creative. She is currently involved in her own printing business. Next year, she'll be walking the aisle with her prince charming Jeff. She sings, writes, loves and eat a lot! Nah, just kidding:) Check out her food blog at Nom-mage.

on forgiving...

Forgiveness and friendship are two different things that require two different decisions...Forgiveness means you won’t invest emotional energy to your hurt anymore.

Have a forgiving attitude.And bless all those who have offended you.And believe that you’ll receive double what you have lost.

-Bo Sanchez

Taking some "Me" time

Crazy weekend it is!

Aside from my usual "me" time,  I devote time to settle unfinished business. If all goes well according to plan, then its all good. If not, this I pray:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

"Me" time gives me opportunity to listen to myself. What I really want, what bothers me as of the moment, what makes me happy, what confuses me...everything. It's a moment I temporarily let go of my mommy hat, my sisterly duties, my work and my crazy world. It's a time to focus on myself and where I am. It keeps me in touch with myself, it reminds me of my worth and the value I could share to the people in my inner circle.

It's actually a moment to reflect and listen to that inner voice from my heart. That voice Who always know the truth and the right. But most of the time, that voice is drowned by fleeting emotions blinding me from the true light.

That voice is oh so powerful that despite our effort to do things on our own, He still can turn things around for our own good. Most of the time we don't see it. We even take it against Him. His ways may not be what we wanted but He is always right.

Now I can say I've done my part. God will do the rest.
Have you done yours?

When God says No

I woke up with a feeling of realization. I was right all along. All the questions, albeit denied from the truth became clearer and sensible. It was like a jigsaw puzzle slowly falling into its right places. I need not know the details. The bigger picture only shows I deserve better.

A dear friend pointed out that being so trusting can be very traumatic. She even added:

 "ang tinapay (bread), napapanis (gets spoiled). You have to admit that it goes sour (and rotten) most of the time. So there, lesson learned. I just got rid of a rotten soul. You should too."

Thanks dear. My friends give really sound advice even if I don't give details of my private life. Their presence and kind words are enough to let me know they are always here for me.

I always know what I want. When in doubt, I put it on hold. But if I really needed it badly, I would do everything in my power to get it. I would find ways and exert total effort till I can say I've done my part. At this point, it doesn't mean I give up. Instead, this is the point where I lift it all up to Him. Then I just sit and watch.

God loves me. He cracked the egg before I even had a chance to nurture it. Thank you. You are always on time when saving me. I can no longer save the egg, it has not developed well from the very start. I was blinded by my good intentions to bring out the best in this person. But sadly, these kind of people were focused on themselves alone.

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise”- Oscar Wilde

I want you to fight for me! That's all I ever wanted!

Sunday family time was spent in a moviehouse. Me, the boys and Tita xa went to see Real Steel. It was a good father and son movie where a stubborn kid teaches life lessons to his dad.

Hugh Jackman played the role of Charlie Kenton who was reunited with his son Max Kenton played by Dakota Goyo. The movie was exciting with all the robot fighting stunts but blended well with heartwarming and emotional scenes displayed in surprising moments.

The most memorable part was this:

Charlie Kenton: I tried, okay? I mean, what do you want from me?
[Max in tears, turns to Charlie]
Max Kenton: I want you to fight for me! That's all I ever wanted!
[he turns and leaves]

A touching moment there...

Max claims his mother is pretty cool probably why he grown so smart. When his mom died, he met his dad and discovered a lot of things about him and wished his dad to finally take him and not give him away.

I highly recommend this film for a good family entertainment. Not only it was devoid of adult scenes, it was surprisingly not the gross violent type of movie. I am very particular with movies and shows that I let my kids watch because media, I believe has great impact to the young minds. Though the exchange of conversation between the kid and his dad are not the typical Filipino setting between an elderly and a child, the honesty and straight forward attitude provides a clearer understanding of the message being sent across. At home, I practice this with my boys. I encourage them to speak their minds but in a way not offending but respectful. I do not require them of the "po" and "opo". Instead,  I remind them on choosing words carefully and to say it properly.

My boys totally enjoyed the movie. It was actually a tiring day but really awesome. Nothing beats Sundays with the boys.


"I want you to fight for me! That's all I ever wanted!"
But did somebody, in all honesty ever fought for you?